Tag Archives: commonwealth games

CWG renovation

How many of us have actually seen the Commonwealth games on TV in the past? Watching the opening/closing/interval ceremony doesn’t count. And no, if you just chanced by the broadcast while surfing for “Kaanti Bai ki malaai” at night, then that doesn’t count either. If the games are appealing enough or conversely, if you have interest enough in them, then you would be watching it anyway. The interest quotient among the masses for the games is as much as the interest levels of half-naked full-hungry street beggars on the Ayodhya verdict.

So in order to raise the collective curiosity of the public about the games, some drastic or innovative  measures must be adopted. A couple of suggestions on how to make the CWG more fun and interesting for both the aam junta and the athletes.

dus ka bees dus ka bees dus ka bees

Make sex-videos of Shera boning Mallika Sherawat. This will ensure that Shera gets some long due recognition and Mallika gets, well, boned. The mms’ should be played on giant plasma screens at select locations in the games village for the enjoyment of our foreign guests and players. Athletes who are white should have premium access to “private booths” during the screenings for a more homely experience. Shampoo/ oil etc charges will be billed to Kalmadi.The snake that was found in one of the athlete rooms should be draped around Sherawat while she is humping the mascot or vice versa. It will help to promote her film Hisss which nobody gives a crap about anyway.

There should be an arena showcasing poverty-stricken hunger-laden and naked Indian kids playing gilli-danda or just playing with a tyre and a stick, with Jai Ho blaring in the background. This is again aimed mostly at Western white athletes and also their families, and this will provide them with ample scope of photographing Real-India at its third-world best. Such authentic display of underdevelopment and backwardness not only severely arouses the photography instincts in firangs, in some cases they may donate large sums of money as well. And this may be one of the few ways to recover the money that Kalmadi and his bitches snorted up to get high.

A Bollywood theme park should be a definite. Athletes can enjoy sliding down Neha Dhupia, Sameera Reddy  and other such celeb endorsed water rides at a subsidised cost. The Rakhi Sawant ride, Payal Rohatgi rollercoaster, Shweta Tiwari tunnel of horror and some other rides should be free of charge. For the females, there should be a Shahrukh Khan (who is not a terrorist) auditorium where three daily shows will be conducted by THE man himself. There should also be space for an authentic Indian ‘bazaar’ where female white athletes can enjoy all the gorgeous colours of India, the oh-so-pretty-bangles, colorful sarees. For our black friends we should have a cozy place with lots of coke.. I can elaborate along these lines, but you get the long and shit of it, right?

Complimentary classes by a Yoga/ spiritual guru can also be a big attraction. Infact with so many of them around, some sort of a tender should be given out for all gurus to take a shot at the post of Chief Spiritualist or something. But handing over  the responsibility for screening applications to Kalmadi may not be a good idea. Because innocent and naive as he is like a furry little white lamb,  he may just be brainwashed by Swami Nityananda into giving him the job. And we know that White chicks+a horny Swami may not be a stable combination. In fact any chick+a horny Swami is never a good combo. Plus the ‘service charge’ is always high.

It would also be interesting if someone made a remake of Sholay. Kalmadi can be, who else but Gabbar Singh? He even has the same beard, almost, if you look closely enough ! Fennel and Hooper can be Saambha and Kaalia. Sheila Dixit can be Radha, the silent spectator that she is anyway and Mani Shankar Aiyar can be the andha Imam because he does not wish to see anything of the games anyway, so he’s better off being blind.

sweet pic courtesy: bijoyvenugopal.wordpress.com


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pikchaar abhi baki hai mere dostt.

Remember the Thetans? Yeah, those guys with highly contagious amounts of perversion in their systems which was reflected pretty blatantly in their otherwise lame writing style? Yeah the Firgins. Well, the good news is that they are not dead. The bad news is, they are alive and on the loose still.

So why such a long break? I spoke to one of them telephonically and asked questions on Life, Love and Premature ejaculation (yes, if you look at this post and see the comment made by a sincere & honest asshole called Punith you will realize why). Here are some excerpts from the interview with Teritanki. The other Thetan has promised that he will answer my questions as soon as he breaks his firginity. Here’s wishing him ….luck 😉 ?  :

Bleh : What did you do all this time, while you were not polluting cyberspace?

Teritanki : I was rubbing my derriere vigorously on lamp posts outside MNCs. After a wait, which seemed as eternal as the time it takes John Abraham to give an expression on-screen, I got a job, some money and no life. But all the while I was palpably waiting for the day when I would be able to write again pissfully. I read other bloggers and fellow frustrates. That had an adverse effect on my psyche as their talents seemed like Afro-American dicks infront of yours truly.

Bleh : Pakistan accepted the Indian flood-aid donation after an “expected” poke from US…. what’s your take on that?

Teritanki : Pak-US rishta is today, what Amar Singh-Amitabh Bachchan bandhan was yesterday. Only in the former case, there is a clear distinction between the Big Daddy and the Naughty Bitch. And we know exactly who can do the spanking.

Bleh : How about the misreportage on GDP growth figures for India? Any comments ?

Teritanki : Look we are all human. Even non-celebrities like Shilpa i-can-be-important-too Shitty  thinks that since she has grown in age, height and other aspects over time, her non-existent bubble-wrap-sized boobs have increased too and hence her ‘demand’ is still strong. But that’s a wrong assumption. I mean the forecast for our GDP, of course.

Bleh : The Pak spot fixing issue has tarnished cricket, what are your views on that one?

Teritanki : I’m shocked and appalled that they’re actually still playing only cricket when Sania Mirza is in Pakistan. I overestimated them and their hormones.

Bleh : Did you keep track of the Tharoor wedding??

Teritanki : Fuck yeah ! I heard between them they have 5 or 6 marriages and 3 kids already? No wonder they were scheming for an IPL team ! Any way with such vast marital experience for the two , if this marriage doesn’t work then they better find Dr. Kama Sutrawala of the National Gupt Rog Division ( NGRD ).

Bleh : Uh…well.. you must have kept track of the CWG thingy… ?

Teritanki : The Commonwealth games controversy is similar to a Beijing masseuse. It’s sucking the CWG committee really hard & dry pretty fast; and they can’t ‘come’ clean because it’s too early for that. If they ‘come’ out in the open early they will be fucked. So they are holding their corrupt ejaculate in for the moment.

Bleh : Many officials had said the CWG would better the Beijing Olympics….

Teritanki : This is called premature ejaculation. They can’t satisfy any international parameter anyway with a system like ours. I understand and acknowledge the System’s impotence in cases of national prestige. But they went a step ahead from being impotent to dickless dumbos with such claims of beating Beijing and shit. They could have restrained themselves and their lame ass comments. But they had to do their pseudo-nationalistic We-will-be-better-than-you shit before the CWG could even reach a satiating orgasm. Kalmadi can even try Invigo as suggested by a satisfied user ( pun unintended….yes, we don’t intend to everytime ) And if all else fails, Kalmadi can imagine that he’s fucking Antara Mali. That should slow him down.

Bleh : Why is your blog so coarse, vulgar and cheap? Don’t you wish to reach out to a more niche sophisticated and intellectual audience?

Teritanki : Please use the phrase “extremely non-conformist”. Sounds better that way. And to the second question, No.

pic courtesy: bhopale.blogspot.com

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