Tag Archives: sania mirza

Mid-week WTFness


Then:

When you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,
When you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,
When you’re happy and you know it
And you really want to show it,
When you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.

Now:

When you’re horny and you know it clap your hands,
When you’re horny and you know it clap your hands,
When you’re horny and you know it
And you really want to show tit,
When you’re horny and you know it clap your hands.

And Lo (not in the Hindi sense) & Behold ! A new bra that comes off its hooks at the clap of your hands. Yes fellow Thetans. A momentous occasion it is for all the bumbling fuckers among us who can’t open a bra but can solve 25 x 25 Sudoku puzzles. Too long have we waited. Too long have we fiddled around in vain. The desperate groping has gone on for far too long. And now the time has come for us to sit back, clap our hands and look with reverence at the magic science has weaved into modern day lingerie.

But we at Tan Theta, blessed with more perversion than the average Jat who leches at girls at any given point of time in Delhi like the Pakistani team must lech Sania Mirza, have naturally thought of some hypothetical circumstances when this Clap-to-open theory may not work. Or may work a lot more effectively than desired.

The journalistic gem that is the MSN article, does not delve into the specifics of how it will all work out if someone is in a threesome. Supposing a boy is trying to hump two women and he claps his hands. Considering that both women (and indeed every woman in future) wear this innovative piece of undergarment, will both of their bras pop open at the same time?? Or will they be confused (not the women) by the clap-signal? Will the device be customized only to register certain claps from certain people only? That’s very stupid/ improbable. An extension of the above scenario can be when you’re in an office setting, say a meeting or an official party. Your totally smokin’ boss makes a presentation/speech/toast. And everyone claps…

Best friggin’ office meeting ever.

original pic courtesy: http://www.dailyhaha.com

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pikchaar abhi baki hai mere dostt.


Remember the Thetans? Yeah, those guys with highly contagious amounts of perversion in their systems which was reflected pretty blatantly in their otherwise lame writing style? Yeah the Firgins. Well, the good news is that they are not dead. The bad news is, they are alive and on the loose still.

So why such a long break? I spoke to one of them telephonically and asked questions on Life, Love and Premature ejaculation (yes, if you look at this post and see the comment made by a sincere & honest asshole called Punith you will realize why). Here are some excerpts from the interview with Teritanki. The other Thetan has promised that he will answer my questions as soon as he breaks his firginity. Here’s wishing him ….luck 😉 ?  :

Bleh : What did you do all this time, while you were not polluting cyberspace?

Teritanki : I was rubbing my derriere vigorously on lamp posts outside MNCs. After a wait, which seemed as eternal as the time it takes John Abraham to give an expression on-screen, I got a job, some money and no life. But all the while I was palpably waiting for the day when I would be able to write again pissfully. I read other bloggers and fellow frustrates. That had an adverse effect on my psyche as their talents seemed like Afro-American dicks infront of yours truly.

Bleh : Pakistan accepted the Indian flood-aid donation after an “expected” poke from US…. what’s your take on that?

Teritanki : Pak-US rishta is today, what Amar Singh-Amitabh Bachchan bandhan was yesterday. Only in the former case, there is a clear distinction between the Big Daddy and the Naughty Bitch. And we know exactly who can do the spanking.

Bleh : How about the misreportage on GDP growth figures for India? Any comments ?

Teritanki : Look we are all human. Even non-celebrities like Shilpa i-can-be-important-too Shitty  thinks that since she has grown in age, height and other aspects over time, her non-existent bubble-wrap-sized boobs have increased too and hence her ‘demand’ is still strong. But that’s a wrong assumption. I mean the forecast for our GDP, of course.

Bleh : The Pak spot fixing issue has tarnished cricket, what are your views on that one?

Teritanki : I’m shocked and appalled that they’re actually still playing only cricket when Sania Mirza is in Pakistan. I overestimated them and their hormones.

Bleh : Did you keep track of the Tharoor wedding??

Teritanki : Fuck yeah ! I heard between them they have 5 or 6 marriages and 3 kids already? No wonder they were scheming for an IPL team ! Any way with such vast marital experience for the two , if this marriage doesn’t work then they better find Dr. Kama Sutrawala of the National Gupt Rog Division ( NGRD ).

Bleh : Uh…well.. you must have kept track of the CWG thingy… ?

Teritanki : The Commonwealth games controversy is similar to a Beijing masseuse. It’s sucking the CWG committee really hard & dry pretty fast; and they can’t ‘come’ clean because it’s too early for that. If they ‘come’ out in the open early they will be fucked. So they are holding their corrupt ejaculate in for the moment.

Bleh : Many officials had said the CWG would better the Beijing Olympics….

Teritanki : This is called premature ejaculation. They can’t satisfy any international parameter anyway with a system like ours. I understand and acknowledge the System’s impotence in cases of national prestige. But they went a step ahead from being impotent to dickless dumbos with such claims of beating Beijing and shit. They could have restrained themselves and their lame ass comments. But they had to do their pseudo-nationalistic We-will-be-better-than-you shit before the CWG could even reach a satiating orgasm. Kalmadi can even try Invigo as suggested by a satisfied user ( pun unintended….yes, we don’t intend to everytime ) And if all else fails, Kalmadi can imagine that he’s fucking Antara Mali. That should slow him down.

Bleh : Why is your blog so coarse, vulgar and cheap? Don’t you wish to reach out to a more niche sophisticated and intellectual audience?

Teritanki : Please use the phrase “extremely non-conformist”. Sounds better that way. And to the second question, No.

pic courtesy: bhopale.blogspot.com

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